Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
