worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
