I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
