We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
