I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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