I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
