I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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