First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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