MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
