what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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