***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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