I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
