3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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