he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
