can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was a blind-side dick pic.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
