Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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