I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
