If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
