And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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