Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
