You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize