does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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