I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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