I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
