I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
