he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He did a backflip because drugs
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