how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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