Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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