Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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