So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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