i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
