So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
