I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
