i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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