I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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