I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
