she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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