i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
