Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
