I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
