He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
