In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
