Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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