Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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