Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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