If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
