im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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