we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
