Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
