took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
