hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
