his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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