I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
