i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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