When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize