My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
