Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
