I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
