Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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