Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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