I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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