if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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