What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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