We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
