Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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