I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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