Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
