just come out here and I will go home with you...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
