his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize