It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
another moral hangover. fuck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
