When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
