I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
