The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
