dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Houston, we have a squirter
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
