Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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