I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
