I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
