...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
