So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
