Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
