is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
