Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
