if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
