pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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