Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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