I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize