Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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