I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize