Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
