i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
