Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
